You may need to disconnect to stay connected

These days the need to stay connected is bigger than ever and the use of technology to facilitate this is a great asset. It seems like we are around the corner to our friend in Spain and we can share everything with a relative in Canada thanks to Facebook, emails and online chats and even more exciting we don’t even need to be sitting in our computers if we just have a smart phone in our hands.
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The reality is that sometimes we may forget where we are or who is around because we seemed to be lost in conversations with the world and people close to us may notice the distance even if they are just in front of us. Many marriages these days are facing the reality of having too many people in the room even when they are in a room by themselves. In a recent article by The Age http://www.theage.com.au/comment/put-down-that-phone-and-save-your-marriage-20161219-gte6j8.html the term “ phubbing” is being used as a fusion of “phone” and “snubbing” to describe how often your romantic partner is distracted by his/her smartphone.

As a recipient of this behaviour it could be quite upsetting to feel that checking the phone appears to be more interesting for your partner than having a conversation or doing something with you. Some people feel like they are competing with the partner’s phone for attention and it is not unusual for the couple to end up in an argument that started with this topic.

Unfortunately, we are not about to through our phones away any time soon so we may have to come up with some “rules” around how to use our phones better and how to place boundaries around its usage. You will need to create your own rules and having a conversation with your partner and agreed to a set of acceptable and non-acceptable ways to use the phone can be a fun exercise to do together.

Here are some ideas to start the conversation:

• Smart-phone down from 7 pm to 6 am
• Emails / messages checking five times per day and you may set those times (e.g. 8am; 10.00am; 1pm; 4pm and 6pm)
• Facebook time from 6 to 7pm
• Weekends happy free morning ( e.g. no phones from 8am to 2pm)
• Smart-phone away when having a conversation with partner
• Smart-phone away when having meals.
  
  

Staying connected is important for all of us and sending a quick message is a great way to do so when we are at work or away from home, but remember that it is important to show our love ones our affection when they are in the same room as you are. Marriages and any relationships needs nurturing and care and spending quality time together listening and communicating with each other is the best way to stay connected.

Claudina Garcia
Psychologist-Director
Psychologists’ Corner